My Horrid Parent

My mother, who died earlier this year, was always arguing, about everything. When I said anything she would say' I thought.....' and then say something which was not in agreement, in any way, with what I had said. Every Spring when I was arranging to take my last bit of annual leave, she would say ' I thought you'd had all yours'. This was every year. Even after I had been taking exams.....
When I visited 4 times a week, she would say ' I thought it was once...'
Every statement I made ' I thought.....
Add on to this running down my academic achievements, obsessed with my brother, gushing over other people's children, making fun of me, in front of me, to other people, on the day before I was due to take an exam in London; a great time to upset me. It was also her birthday and I had taken her out to lunch...
Refusing to let me get anything for birthday or Christmas, for the last 12 years, because ' I had too much' She said it was because I had a house, very small, one room downstairs and two bedrooms ( where she has stayed). I'm a University of London postgraduate.
How does one comes to terms with this?

Hello, I just found out about this website today. I was really overwhelmed by my feelings and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this.
The story about my parents is kind of long but I’ll try to sum it up as quickly as possible. So my father was an alcoholic and deadbeat throughout my childhood. I witnessed fights, domestic violence on a regular basis.
I had a lot of respect for my mother for having gone through all that she did with my father. They finally separated 4 years ago after having him come in and out of my life constantly for 16 years of my life. I am 20 now.
Even though I had a father he never really took care of anything so my mother had to pay for everything. Around 6-7 years ago she fell into a debt trap and she has not been able to get out of it since. It feels to me like she has now become a compulsive borrower. And we might not have any savings but we have more than enough to lead a normal, comfortable  life, which my sister and I fully try to. But due to this debt my mother has become so distant and ignorant of me. I can not remember the last time we sat down and she asked me how I was doing, what was going on in my life, if I have someone in my life or not. I have been dating someone for 5 years but she doesn’t know that simply because she is so consumed by her money problems that she never talks to us about anything else. The worst part is that the problems are not that serious. We have talked to her countless times giving her suggestions about how she can settle her debt once and for all rather than just adding more loans to the pile but she always feels we are attacking her. She has a very serious victim complex. It has become so hard to have a normal conversation with her. Her credit score is bad so now she is trying to get loans through my sister’s account. She earns more than enough to pay her monthly instalments off but she still asks my sister for half of her salary (which is a lot) to “run the house”. It is heartbreaking to see and cannot be ignored how she continuously uses my sister and her money. Also nothing is ever enough. She always comes back asking for more. I am growing so tired of this. I want to move to a different city for my post graduate degree  but I know she will get all like “oh let’s move together” or “how will I live alone?” Like all I want is some mental peace and to get away from you. I am so tired of this. I spent the greater part of my life hating my father, and I don’t want to do that with my mother. But lately I feel zero affection towards her. I feel so guilty for feeling like this. I can not talk to anyone else about this because to the outside world she is this supermom who is single and taking care of 2 daughters. If anything, it’s my sister who has assumed the role of a parent better than either of my actual parents. If we talk to anyone about this, we will be bashed and called ungrateful and reminded of how hard our mother works and how much she does for us. What no one will understand is the toll her actions take on our minds. I cry for hours and hours at a stretch just to be able to feel love for my mother, just to have a normal life. My sister and I both had traumatic childhoods so the only thing we want now that our father is out of our lives is to live a happy and loved life with our mother, but that just doesn’t seem to be happening. I feel so trapped. I just want my old mom back. The one who didn’t care about money and her debt more than her kids. The one who actually sat down to have conversations with us about our day. The one who could hold meaningful and affectionate conversations without having them inevitably turn  into conversations about her debt and money problems. So many people in the world are under debt and MUCH MORE DEBT compared to what little she has, but they do not forget about their families. She gets so stressed about her problems that they seem so much bigger than they actually are. The problems are so much bigger because of what goes on in her brain. It is all she ever thinks and talks about and NO AMOUNT of advice or suggestions seem to work. She always thinks she is doing the best she can and that we know nothing and our advice is BS. My sister and I have both studied accounts and finance in school, so trust me we know better. She just does not listen to us. She is so consumed in all of that that she has forgotten how to be a mother and  it just breaks my heart to not be able to love my mother.

Hi everyone,

I have a horrible mother; in fact she is an a-hole. I hate visiting her, but she is in a home now and I live nearby so it falls to me and one of my brothers to do the "family thing".

My mom is an a-hole because her dad was an a-hole. When there are family get togethers all of my moms brothers talk about what an a-hole their dad was. I just recently put 2 and 2 together and started paying attention to these people when there is a holiday meal or gathering...and ta-da...most of my moms siblings are kinda a-holish too. They have deep disrespect for their "in-laws" (my mom is from a big family, so lots of brothers in law and sisters in law).

Sometimes I catch them making a dig at my dad, who passed about 12 years ago. I mean really? Is that not the epitome of being an a-hole? Disrespect for dead people??

I am working on an online business and things are going well. My mom keeps asking me if I am making any money at it, and I reply "of course". She knows better than to ask how much, but lately she feels the need to tell me that I am too old to do things like and that it is too much work for me.

I do not know why she thinks this way (but I suspect my brother -also an ahole - is encouraging her) but she has told me this 3 times this year...and within the past couple of months. I have never said that the work is too much. I have never told her I am exasperated, stressed, or anything else. In fact, I tell her that I love working from home so much more than my old job.

And yet, she persists in being an a-hole about it.

Of course, as the child of an a-hole parent, my first thought is to defend myself. But later, when I think about it, I get really p.o'd and I want to cut off contact with her. I mean, right after she said that she told me that she wants me to take her on a road trip to a local community so she can look around!!

I do not even want to visit with her, let alone be trapped in a car with her sarcasm, negativity, and general a-holeness.

I am not sure whether I want to just stop talking to her and wait for her to contact me before I tell her what an a-hole she is. Alternatively, I can call her up now and do it, but I am still pissed about it.

My mom has never been supportive...I do not think she knows how, nor does she feel like learning. But I also do not think I want to put up with her crap anymore without flipping out on her.

Anyone want to chime in? Got an opinion? Recommendations???

Hullo. Please pardon me for not looking through the thread just yet. I don't mean to be impolite. I'm just jittery because I kept doing the registration wrong. I had a painful and scary panic attack this afternoon brought on by my growling drunk mother on video chat. Being nasty to both me on the call, and my stepfather who was there with her.
Sorry to interrupt. I am having a bit of a wobble. Hello all. X

Hi my name is harvey thanks for letting me join this forum i dont know if it will help me in any way as ive never tried this before my life has been hectic ever since i was small and i feel disowned by both mother and father but for me to tell my storie it is going to take me very long so ill post it later