My Horrid Parent

I cannot remember when my mother showed any care or concern for me, since occasionally in 2004.  Always arguing, nothing affirming, no Christmas or birthday presents, interfering with my holidays, clothes etc. Latest thing is I shouldn't have a house to live in! How stupid, stupid, stupid. Mum is 99 tomorrow. It has affected my health greatly in the past. Mum can 't go on much longer. Why do we have to suffer like this?

My mother is awful. My father too. As a child I was absolutely neglected as they both didn't gave a sh*t about me. They used to smoke loads and not give me food. I was almost dead several times due to not eating properly and I would get extremely sick just after days of staying with them. When I was at my grandparents they used to come and lure me with expensive toys and told me that they will buy me burgers and let me drink coca-cola if I come with them and I as a child usually accepted because I loved them very much. My aunt is a medic and also a smart and sympathetic person and saw what they are and tried to take care of me but they would tell me lots of lies about her and even tho she used to tell me the truth all the time I wouldn't accept it because I was blinded by my love for them. When I was living with my aunt and grandparents I used to have straight A's in school, I looked good and healthy and I was simply a model child. My grandparents had their limitations but they loved me aswell and were good people. My father was a mad bully that somehow managed to get a business going but he only worked so he can spend money with prostitutes and to eat/smoke/drink whatever he wants and to boast about his wealth everywhere he went. He talks trash about literally everybody in front of us and when we went as a family to the mountains with his friends he used to do some horrible talk about my mother treating her like sh*t while he was getting drunk and played board games all day with his buddies. No involvement into my raising, he would just give me his laptop so I shut up and not disturb him. Now he talks trash about me aswell. My aunt told me and I can remember that too that when I was a toddler my mom was just doing something on the computer and I was just crying and crying and crying next to her and she wouldn't give a sh*t. Nothing, no word, no presence, she would ignore me completely.

I grew up in an unconsistent way as I had good raising with my aunt in some periods and extremely bad raising in the times I was living with my parents.

The first time I started to really know what they are was when I finished 8th grade and was about to go to high school. As my score wasn't big enough to go to the best high school in town I had thought that I would go to the 2nd best and get good grades in the 1st semester so I can then move. But they wanted me to go in a different city where my father was working. As I heard that I was pleasantly surprised because I knew that city has a very good art school and I wanted to go there. But on the day when I was supposed to go choose where I wanna go they did that for me and sent me at some really bad high school in that city without taking in consideration my wish. They didn't asked, they just did that. I was sent to live with my father and go to some math-computer science high school. But that high school was so bad, mostly bad teachers and full of ghetto boys that used to fight all the time and I was severly bullied there for 2 years. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't cope with that, my dad used to come home at night, drink a glass of vodka or whiskey and go to sleep and he didn't liked to be disturbed. He never asked me how I was. After a few weeks of not sleeping I asked him to send me to a psychologist and he would just get mad and send me in my room. After some time I stared skipping classes just to avoid the constant bullying and I felt horrible for that because when I started I was expecting something else and I liked answering questions in class - but everytime I would do that the other boys would start throwing objects at me and start joking about me and cursing me and all that stuff. The teachers didn't care either about what happens in the class. So to avoid that I started skipping classes and so my internal guilt and pain escalated and in the 2nd year I started doing drugs with some guys that talked me into it.
With another year passed and my life trashed to pieces I finally convinced my mother to move me in a different high school in my hometown. I had loads of skipped classes, my mind destroyed and little to no hope for the future. Yet after I moved I started a different way of being as I let my hair grow, did some gym and started playing bass guitar. It was that my city allowed me for that better, the people were alot better there. I did that for two years as I was binge drinking and hooking up with girls and doing drugs and actually managed to get my high school diploma on the first try. My mom wouldn't help at all but at least there were no bullies anymore and my father's attitude was far away and I could just live my adolescence. As I moved I started going to a metal bar and it really helped me - the people there were open minded and smart and I would discuss lots of stuff with them. For the least she was cooking and I was so involved in my new social life that I didn't cared much. As I finished high school I had a really smart girlfriend that now is a genetics scientist and wanted to take a year to study and attend med school. But they did it again. My parents had enrolled me to some lower grade electronics science college in the city my father was working in telling me just a few days before school would start. No questions about what I want to do. I accepted eventually what they did thinking that I would see after what I want to do and maybe get a master's degree in something that covers both electronics and biology so I went back to that city where my parents had rented a house and started school. I was pretty good at the start as I was being seen as a very smart guy there and my grades were good. But as time passed the constant fights between my parents became unbearable and I was having enough of it after half a year. My dad also used to make fun of me because I was reading and meditating. I couldn't sleep at night cause of their fights and constant smoking. One night I woke up hearing my dad saying horrible things to my mother so I went down trying to calm him but he wouldn't listen and the told me that he'll beat me up if I don't leave. Then I got angry myself cause I wasn't supposed to put up with that sort of bullsh*t everyday so I told him to beat me up. He then lashed at me screaming that he will kill me and tried to choke me. I looked towards my mom by she wouldn't do anything so I punched him in the cheek and ran away in pijamas taking cover from the snow in a gas station while I was explaining to my gf what happened. She eventually calmed me down but things went very bad in the following months as I recorded some really bad trauma that night. The next day I tried to talk with my mom about it but she told me that it's none of her business what me and my father are doing - which literally blew my mind - I stood up for her and got chocked and she tells me that.
After this I left that house with some really bad and mixed feelings about everything and isolated myself in the old aparment from my hometown where I used to live with my mother and tried to learn for the upcoming exams but nothing was working. My mind was shattered and started going downhill. I eventually broke up with that girl because my state was too much for her to manage and she had her priorities which I understood. I then started drinking really badly suffering from the event and from the break up aswell.
I couldn't get my thoughts straight and used to do random parties at my place so I can escape those feelings/thoughts but I wasn't enjoying anything. I then randomly hooked up with a nymphomaniac chick that was obsessed with me and I was f*ing her all day everyday. For one year and a half I did that and my parents were still living in the same house. I was a goner. At some time I broke up with that girl and moved at my grandparents in an attempt to get everything back together. I tried studying for med school, for architecture, etc. but nothing worked properly cause I was so destroyed. I couldn't find a proper point of ballance in my life anymore so at one point I stopped trying to advance and put everything on hold. I quit smoking and drinking and basically created a healthy lifestyle for 3 months while at my grandparents. I was reading lots - I read all 3 volumes of Shogun that summer and playing field tennis and go jogging every day. I didn't knew what to do with my life anymore but I just did that to pass time. All went good till one day that the nympho girl started texting me again with all sorts of sh*t and was really getting on my nerves - she used to tell me everytime that she only wants me to be her f*k buddy and nothing more - and at that point we were not even that anymore as we haven't talked for quite some time until that day. Shortly after, in one night in september I drank a few litres of my grandma's homemade wine and then my drunkass sociopathic uncle-in-law appeared and we drank till the morning and I bought a pack of cigars and smoked it all. Next day I tried to quit again and managed to do so and in a few days I was clean again but I was very stressed as I was constantly receiving texts from that deranged chick. All of this got me down and one day my parents came there and were constantly calling me out from outside with their bullsh*t. They don't care about me but as things went later after they needed me for something - that's why the sudden interest. I then lost my sh*t and went into a psychotic episode and grabbed the desk as I was sitting on the floor and started to violently push it against the wall everytime a burst of anger mixed with fear would come. I screamed and with my remaining sanity I called my aunt and told her to sedate me because I have no control whatsoever over the rushing feelings. She did that and I calmed down but I then insisted her to talk to a psychologist and so we went that night and a female psychiatrist saw me and told us that I need to be sent to a mental hospital. And so we did. We traveled 150km that night to the capital city and I got hospitalized. They gave me some pills and locked me in a dark room with a bed and shortly after I fell asleep. I spent 10 days there and at that time my parents would come and bring lots of things for me to eat - mostly sweets and juice. One would say that they were just being nice but they wanted to make a good impression on the psychologists there so they influenced the outcome - again, they needed me for something else. Whenever I would talk with a psychologist I immediately wanted to tell them about my parents and how they destroyed my life but they wouldn't listen to anything and just cut me short and tried to convince me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my parents - As I know my father he could've just bribed those psychologist chicks - He does that very often so he can get his businesses going. When I was about to get released from hospital I wanted my aunt to come after me but the psychologists told me not to talk with her anymore and accept my parents and bla bla and I insisted telling them that my parents harm me and then they put me in front of them and I remember I couldn't even look at them because I was afraid both of them and not going mad again. I just sat there and as my father was telling lie after lie and my mom was just standing there and whatever I would say he would just respond with sarcasm and negative commenting on me - which were lies.And so the psychologists assured me and re-assured me that my parents are fine and I had no choice but to get back home with them - I was also mind-broken and really drugged up and very weak. At this point I'm pretty sure he bribed those girls - as I know people in Romania - most of them regardless of social status or work area they would do such things for money - for them is just a small lie once in a while that gets them some money - but this is another beautiful story.

My aunt wanted me to go to a remote monastery after being released and sort things out myself clear minded uninfluenced by anybody but they of course blocked her and tried to mindwash me and so I went 'home' with them. While still being on those hard antipsychotics I was told that affection is good for recovery and I tried hugging my father several times and he always hold himself to stop laughing at me and rarely accepted and when he did I was the only one hugging him - When I visited my grandparents everyone was genuinely happy and were asking me if I've recovered and had tears in their eyes and they all hugged me and didn't let me go for almost a minute. Some time I did labour work for my father sorting things out and was mostly blind and did anything he told me to do. But I felt nothing in return, when his business buddies would come over he would just start making fun of me with hate fueled comments and jokes and everyone would laugh at me but no one would show any compassion/understanding/affection and I just accepted that even tho inside I felt horrible and I would at some point just starting degrading myself by accepting the mean jokes and laugh at myself just to fit in. After he made me his joke and his slave he told me that he needs to start the business over and he can't be the owner anymore because he had debts with the previous business - He told me that others made these debts and got him responsible but now I don't know about that. He made me the owner of his new business and I've accepted - my mind was ambiguous and I couldn't grasp reality properly at that time and even tho I felt weird I was thinking that my feelings are like this because I am recovering and that It would be a good thing helping him - Only now I've learned that feelings never lie and that I should never do something if I don't feel like it and that intuition knows best.

I am 25 years old now, I am the owner of a business I know basically nothing about and I have no control over it - the story is longer but I will complete it when I have the time and disposition. I am in debt and my father still runs this, I still receive mocking negative sarcastic comments. I live with my mother and life is living hell. But one day I will set things right for me - even if they will always be like this and they will die before they are held accountable for what they did and still doing.

...to be continued

Late edit:
I do believe this crap life has some meaning tho as I've concentrated on the negative aspects more in this account I think that maybe no one really means to do harm but the events just unfold in a certain way and my father maybe just gave up quickly because there were some good moments when he tried to teach me survival skills/how to cook/clean etc I think he's better than my mother but he didn't had much time either and yeah idk he gave up because he was under pressure I don't think my mom is that bad either maybe extremely immature and she wasn't supposed to have me because she wasn't ready and sure my dad was an ass but he had a harsh childhood aswell due to different reasons and idk everybody has problems my mom was in a coma as a child idk maybe it affected her brain so that's why she's underdeveloped psychologically things are so twisted and if we had the capacity to see every single aspect of life and understand it throughly we would feel better about everything and realise there's a logical explanation for everything

in the end they gave me life and just witnessing and trying to understand it better and better is a privilege and i thank them for that

ps. it's funny how mood can influence the way we think
ps2. i won't modify what i write rather i will add more if i have something else to say i want to see based on my mood what i tend to focus on.

since my mum lost my baby brother, nothing has been the same. she had always been from a non-religious home, but her cousins and auntie were brought up Jehovah's witnesses. they persuaded my mum into finding light with Jehovah, and so she started reading their "bible", or whatever the word for it is. she didn't start her proper studies until a few years later. i think i was 9 when she started properly, and my younger sister 3. she would take us to my auntie's house, who was a jehovah, and my dad would get angry with her. you see, we were all christened (my dad, me) except from my mum and younger sister. but we weren't religious in any way whatsover, apart from my mum. my dad holds a hatred towards jehovah's witnesses because he believes they changed my mum for the worse. my mum and dad would argue ALOT about my mother's religion etc. my mum has changed alot. she was baptised last year and not me, my dad or my little sister showed up. she had family there, but not us. my dad had told me that if i was to ever follow her footsteps then he would never speak to me again. 2020, and my mum prefers her religion over me. she treats me like rubbish. her religion has changed us all, but has effected me the most. i feel lonely, depressed. i'm only young and she manipulates me and tries to bully me all of the time. she tells me she wishes she had my friends as daughters instead of me. she would also rather call me lazy than motivate me into doing more things. we've had many issues before, and i honestly thought they were all squashed when we talked it out - more like cried it out - a few weeks ago. but no, after telling her that her and my dad's behaviour had made me self -harm and try to commit suicide at least 4 times, they both in turn still continue to put me down. oh, and if you were wondering why i said my dad was involved in me being like this, it's because he would abuse me and try to dominate himself as the man of the house. he told many lies too. the physical abuse has stopped, but the verbal hasn't. and that's my life.

Hello everyone. I came to this site because it feels like I can't connect to anyone, and it is probably because my life is not like anyone elses. I am hoping to find a way to feel normal, and hopefully find some people that understand.

My Mother was horrid, as a child I was never good enough, I was yelled at constantly and if things didn't go her way they were shut down. At 19 I moved into my own place even though I couldn't afford it, just wanted out of the horrible situation. Other people have great parents who call them, help them, show they care in some way. I didn't have that, my Mother never called and was angry that I didn't call her the correct way or didn't stop over at the time she wanted me too. Of course slowly stopping by became only on holidays and soon even that was a chore.

At 27 years old I found out I was adopted by my Dad, my parents never told me, I found out at an auction just randomly by talking to someone. (That is its own story) When my Mother found out I knew she didn't call to talk to me, she left for a trip over the weekend then when she did finally call (a week later) she made me feel like it was my fault. How can it be a kids fault to be adopted and never told, no idea but she kept turning the situation. After this I really didn't know what to do, always looking for that feeling of home but nothing has ever felt right.

I ended up meeting someone, but he was a bad choice. It was important to me to find someone who liked me, showed some sort of interest even though it was very unhealthy. Of course while figuring this out we had a baby on the way. It was a difficult decision but being a single Mother seemed to be in my future because being alone was a better alternative than feeling put down again.

After the baby was born there were a lot of rumors floating around, all very negative about me and they seemed to be coming from my Mother and an Aunt. When I went back to work after maternity leave I lost my job because it was 2009 and we were in a recession. So one of the rumors became that I lost my job on purpose because I wanted to be a welfare Mom. Of course that was not true, and of course felt even worse because I was going through one of the hardest times of my life and not only is there no support but actually adding pain. Christmas came and all of the children were given a present but not my daughter. My daughter's first birthday came and I tried to put together a little party. No one from my family came, only friends.

So that was it, the time I realized I was disowned. It was about 10 years ago and the lies about me continued. My mother would ask people to print photos from my facebook and she would tell people about my child as if I was giving her the photos. People believed them because they are such great manipulators. I always thought people would see through it but either they never did or they didn't want to be involved. I basically had no one and as good as my friends were they have their own families to pay attention too.

Last Thursday my Mother died, apparently she had been on hospice for a while and apparently it was her time. I was upset because of course she was horrible but still a part of my life, not to mention sort of a weight had been lifted. I got home, looked up the obit and saw that she didn't add myself or my daughter on the obit. It was one last 'screw you' from her. It hurt, of course it did, it was as if I didn't matter or shouldn't have existed in the first place. My friends didn't seem to know what to do about it either. They saw it, also felt like it was horrible but didn't know if they should say something or not.

So now I am feeling totally alone, friends that don't understand I still need some sort of affection and a family that is not existent because they choose not to be, and honestly the best choice because a person can only take so much negativity.

Thanks for reading my story, it feels good to finally type out this condensed version of my life.

Yes, my mother is very inconsistent. Sorry for my very long story but here it goes. It all started when I was little. I went to a Catholic private school. The kids there picked on me with no regret. I was overweight a little and that's what they picked on me about. It all started in the 2nd year of 2nd grade. It was almost torture going to school every day. But the misery did not stop when I came home. My mom is very skinny and loathes and despises overweight people. I look like my dad and his family, who are very overweight. So in turn, she can't stand them for being overweight. So anyway, when I came home everyday my mom would also put me down about my weight even though I would tell her about my day at school. She would say things about my eating or what I was wearing. This continued through the rest of primary school, middle school, and even high school. High school was great because I did not get made fun of at school anymore. But it was so much worse at home. My mom would put me down and tell me that I could not eat certain things because she did not like them. For example, I love Chinese food and since she thinks it is gross, she tells me that I am not allowed to eat it. There were days that were OK but most days I had to walk on eggshells around her because I did not know how to react. I did not like eating around her because I was afraid that I was going to get put down. So, it was either not eat until she went to bed or sneak food into my room when she wasn't looking. Then, I went to college. That was the best years of m life because I was away from my mom. She wasn't around telling me what I can and can't do. In my last semester of college, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. I was excited but it set my mom off. She was so mad that she called me all of these names such as ****. She also wanted me to give her up for adoption because she thought that I couldn't take care of my child. When I graduated college, I could not find a job right away. That is another thing that set my mom off. My mom only believes that the only thing in life is to work and pay bills. So naturally, that is all she cares about. I want to be with the father of my child but he is in prison. Another thing that sets my mom off. Alot of things set my mom off. We get into many fights about my life and what I want to do with it. I can't wait until I finally get to move out. I do not think I will talk to my mom for a long time when I finally do move out of this hell house. My mom claims that she wants to go to Disney World to get some peace and quiet. Who goes to Disney for peace and quiet? I think that she wants to go alone because she wants to get away from me. She and my dad have told me that they wished that they could go back into time and not have kids. My mom was also told me that she would be long gone if it wasn't for my brother. My 17 year old brother who is the angel child. Never does anything wrong. My mom has called me a **** for having sex with different men in my lifetime. She has called my child "the bastard child of a prisoner". My mom and dad have even gone so far that they would call an attorney to see how they can kick me out and if I left with MY child, that they would call CPS on me to have her taken away. Like really?! I have even caught my parents "accidentally" calling themselves mommy and daddy to MY child when they are the grandparents. As you call tell, my parents are really horrid parents.