Author Topic: Wedding day  (Read 420 times)

clare low

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Wedding day
« on: May 08, 2017, 02:51:08 pm »
Your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life but it can be ruined if you have a horrid parent. What is your story?

Sadness_Smiles

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2017, 01:00:17 pm »
I'm sure I'm not alone in the choice I made because of my difficult parent. It was still the most wonderful day of my life because we eloped. No stress, no questioning of my life decisions, no pressure for control of my happiness, no problem!

I have now maintained a relationship longer than either of my parents, so to this day I have no doubts in my first decision in permanently severing the chord and taking my first breath as a free person. A person who deserved to be loved and to have what I desired. I have never missed the froofy princess day most women enjoy as my happiness outweighs any dress or dance.

Mitchell

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2017, 04:41:50 pm »
Well done wish I'd done the same, I was isolated an only child my father died while I was in my late teens leaving me to care for my very manipulating mother who would use guilt as a master weapon. So I drank myself into oblivion going through many broken relationships even getting engaged but they all fell though.
In self defense there was nothing back in those far off days, even today information is difficult to access and there is nothing on denial or what its like to live with someone in denial.
I was lucky at 34 I met a wonderful girl we are together and I'm now 65 she will be 56 this July over 30 years.We never married she understood my mother had serious mental health issues, so we just live together. If we married that would have been a great day for her but a terrible reminder for me. There would have been many on Pats side and none on my side

All I can say is "VERY WELL DONE" :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Hope to hear from others

Mitch     

Sadness_Smiles

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2017, 09:14:24 pm »
Well I'm glad you found your someone even if you didn't officiate it. I would like to say, particularly for anyone reading that is soon betrothed to their beloved in a similar situation, is it doesn't matter from whose side they come as long as the folks there love you. They're your new family! My husbands family have treated me like their own from day 1. So don't worry, if your difficult parent(s) is there, let your new mother or father in law annoy the snot out of them!

WeakSoul

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2017, 09:40:34 pm »
I'll never get married I'm too emotionnaly broke. Need too Much love That I've never had.

Astra Argent

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2017, 02:56:15 pm »
Because of my parents' toxic relationship, my mother's abuse towards me and my father's emotional absence from both the marriage and his relationship with me,  I've never married. 

By the time I was in junior school, my mother hated my father.  She'd rant at me "I wish God would kill your father, He knows just how much I hate him!" on what seemed a daily basis.  Divorce was not an option to her.

For years I didn't want a relationship and the idea of marrying anyone filled me with dread.  I'd love to be loved, appreciated, encouraged and supported by someone who genuinely cares, but that seems a long way away right now.  If I ever do marry, it would be low-key and for him and me.

After my mother died when I was 27, I got rid of her wedding dress and headdress: I simply couldn't stand to have them in the house.

I wish anyone with a Horrid Parent or Horrid Parents all the very best with their relationships, especially if they decide to marry.

Els

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2018, 10:57:15 pm »
Univited

Els

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2018, 11:13:54 pm »
Hmmm...that didn’t start too well!

I wanted to say that knowing other people (adults) feel the same way as I do regarding their parents and their wedding has really surprised me.
I went to my cousins wedding at the weekend. It was a lovely wedding, a very happy day. My uncle has manic depression and my aunt struggles to get him to go out but he coped really well and seemed to enjoy himself. The family clearly make things work and get along despite the problrns. Proof that family difficulties don’t have to spoil such an occasion.

My parents made it over too. I should explain, they live in France and were on a camper van trip to Portugal and very nearly pulled out of coming despite being invited to the ceremony. Due to it costing quite a lot of money for one weekend. Anyway, they did come.

My fiancé Dave and I got engaged on Christmas Eve and we hope to marry this year. This was the first time they’d seen me since we announced our engagement. Not once did either one actually wish us congrats in person, neither asked anything about our wedding plans apart from my father joking - ‘let us know when you’re thinking of doing it as there’s some dates we’ve got things planned’.

And right now I’m thinking - ‘suit yourself...don’t come then’! My father is belligerent, disrespectful towards me and my mother lives completely in his shadow. I’ve tried (my fiancé really wants me to have a good relationship as his dad died a few years ago) but as time goes on it’s harder and harder to spend 24hrs with my parents and keep my cool.

 At least I know now I’m not in isolation feeling this negative about my parents. I couldn’t care less for being ‘given away’ as a bride by my father. I actually cannot imagine that ever happening now...

clare low

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2018, 06:08:36 pm »
Hi Els,

You are SO not alone! There are many many people who have suffered at the hands of their horrid parent. All of whom will understand your need to keep your distance from your father given the behaviour you describe. It must be sad at some level that he is not involving himself with your wedding plans as other parents would. And maybe a bit hard for you finance to get that. But it is your life and you two must lead it the way you want to. Plan the best wedding you can being surrounded by people who love you both!

Alyson

Sooverit

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2018, 03:36:07 am »
I have to put this into words even if no one sees it. I was young ,barely 19,when I got married 40 years ago. With a mother who said “You will never make it in college”, what was I going to do?  My mother REFUSED to attend my wedding. My husband’s family was and still is a wonderful family. They were educated and well to do.  I was not going to let her tell me what to do. It all really made her look crazy and foolish. I am so glad I got away from her. It was a blessing to get out of that house my poor Dad,bless his soul, went along with her and didn’t attend either. She had never seen my beautiful wedding portraits. She was and is a manipulative little witch.

Tempest Holmes

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Re: Wedding day
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2019, 01:28:56 pm »
Hi, I'm new here. 

My mother is so fake in public it's insane. Everyone LOVES her and no one knows her or how she treats children.

I've had 2 weddings. My first was a ridiculous affair my mother tried to make all about her and her ex relationship with my biological father.  The whole day was about how horrid and stingy he was and how much she does for me blah blah blah.  The day was actually pretty ruined by her honestly. I was stressed out and constantly running to do whatever it was she suddenly felt like I needed to be doing.

My second wedding, once I got away from my creepy first husband, was much better.  My husband is a wonderful, stable, amazing guy who understands and loves how weird I am. He had a relatively healthy family growing up and doesn't understand what it was like having toxic parents or why it still plagues me, but he's spent enough time with my mother to see that she is a freaking fruitcake and a bad person.  Our wedding was lovely and at the reception my mother kept trying to get me to help with the food and clean up and such and I had come a long way in the years between weddings, I told her NO. Do it or don't do it, everyone is free to help or not help today.  Once it was over I did clean and load up vehicles and all of that but during the reception? That was our party on our special day of celebration. She was unable to ruin it.