My Horrid Parent

  Hello all Im new. I came across the website... For me it's old father that's a pain, he has Ocd control freak tendencies, very rigid home bully to mum and me. And he puts on an act to outsiders who can't believe he's abnormal. Won't get rid of junks and even pick up others' stuff ugh

Yes I would be interested in a workshop as well. I am based in London.

I'm glad I found this website after reading the Guardian article. I had to move back in with my horrid parents post Covid. It has been really hard even with reasonably regular psychological support from a therapist.

My mother physically and emotionally abused me for years until I left home in my early 20s. I can see how that would have happened, she grew up in a home with regular domestic violence and I am her first born, my father never really supported her to raise my sister and I, from my own experiences with him, it is clear that he is very emotionally distant and irresponsible to an extent, likely from his own upbringing.

I have been furious at them both for years because of the impact of the trauma on my relationships and life generally. Its been made worse now because of my proximity to them and they daily reminders of my childhood. I can see they did the best they could and were also woefully inadequate parents who should have definitely worked on their own **** instead of replicating it. My mother's physical and emotional abuse is something I've only started recently acknowledging in its entirety (I'm in my late 30s). She once put her hands around my throat and became even more furious when I tilted my head to try and tried to squeeze her fingers enough to let go. My dad meanwhile stood there. I was 15. When I was 13 she thought my sister or I was lying and put a butter knife in the first to heat up saying 'it won't burn if you are telling the truth' I was 12. Most of the time, even though he might have voiced disagreement with my mum (which would send her into a rage) he never stepped in to help. I find that much harder to understand than my mum and her behaviour. The kicker was that he would blame me for the bile and the beatings saying things like 'you know what she's like, why didn't you etc etc'. Leaving her would have been financially and emotionally hard but goodness staying meant years of trauma and internalising what a shitty ungrateful daughter I was. Ha! That's taken me about a decade of therapy to unlearn.

Its clear even now that my parents have never been considerate of my feelings. Funny the things you notice when you've been in therapy for a bit. Any feeling or concern or experience I share is dismissed or minimised, possibly because of their own fears. There is no real space for me to be myself with them, more so with my dad. It feels like he has no interest in knowing me as an adult and frankly I have no interest in connecting with him. My mother has shown a little remorse for her actions, though she has never really apologised. I feel sorry for her. She is still essentially emotionally immature, stunted at 16. I don't have any expectations of either of them. I just want to leave and keep them at arms length. They are both so excellent at forgetting what life was like at home years ago. Naturally I remember all of it.

I'm grateful to be a cyclebreaker and sad that I never had the family I wanted or deserved to be honest. In moving forward reparenting myself has helped and loving myself in a way my parents just aren't capable off has really helped. Lots of love and healing to all of us x

Hi, I don't really know if I'm in the right place here. But I am sooooo fed up of holding it in that I think I really need to let it out.
I have 2 small kids 4,1.5 and a lovely husband with separated parents but both of them very respectful, interested, supportive parents. They have their problems like any family but none that makes them forget he real idea of being a family means.
My parents are horrid. My father is a narzisist. Always was... I am an extremely successful woman (I'm the first one having higher education, I speak 5 languages, I am hard working and I try my best at everything) I have a lot of flaws too but I am just trying to say... Their would be no reason to be ashamed of being my parent... My father hast not met his granddaughter who ist almost 2 because he can't be bothered to visit or make an appointment. I haven't seen him for 3 years for no apparent reason. He calls, I say hi, he dumps on me talks about some irrelevant stuff like politics, as if we saw each other yesterday. I ask do u wanna come for Christmas... No no I volunteered to work. Or some other crap.
My mom is a victmized depressed nascisissist who all the time believes everyone else has it better than her. Commonly saying she is suicidal (for years now!) I 2 months ago said she should come over for a while and maybe help me out with the kids and she could move in with us so I can help her out and she soenst need to be so lonely. (she came, spend horrid days crying she misses her home, the weather is crap here and she is not independent and I work too much).... Oh well... Tha she proceeds to telling me that I am so lucky for having everything I have and the money and the brains etc and a Saint of a husband. When I was tired from work after working 11 hours strait and I had the flu.. Welas taking care of everything with fever and still taking care of her. I flipped out. And she accused me of being so agrssive and I would understand how much of a victim she hast been her whole life... When I confronted her that it was her role to "man up" and be the adult for me as I was a child in a shitty household she says shhhheee was the real victim. I got everything best and I had so many chances that's why I am where I am.  Things were just given to me. Doors were just opened and I just had a fantastic easy ride. (p. S. Needless to say I left my home ith 18 to study abroad alone! Against my will! I had to learn the language, I was allowed to come home 1x a year... I had to study hard to get my tuitions payed with scholarship otherwise they would not have enough money and would have to die of hunger. - their true words!!! I finished with honors but nobody came to graduation. My dad had to work.... 😑 And my mom was not able because she would not manage to travel by plane because of her horrible fear of losing herself in the airport.
My mom offered to come over when I was pregnant around the both to suport me and pulled out last minute because "something came up".... I developed postpartum depression and she made it about her.
Well I could go on for years.
Problem is.... I feel horribly jealous of my husband for having a family that wants to share life with him. They wann see our kids, play, they call, right letters, fly planes etc...
They want to be there for me too... But its not the same. I feel glad for my kids but the more I see them the more I hate my parents. Can someone relate?
Thanx for this space 😒

Hi I’m not sure how to post but wanted to introduce myself; I haven’t seen my bio mother in 29 years (physically verbally emotionally abusive BPD and NPD) and I just estranged from my father due to his enabling of another NPD wife who is abusive to me and my siblings. I feel traumatized and just going through a lot so I’m really glad this site exists.