Author Topic: Being ignored  (Read 634 times)

clare low

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Being ignored
« on: September 07, 2017, 08:15:33 am »
Having your parent ignore you, avoid looking at you or speaking to you can feel more hurtful than when they say or do something unkind. What is your experience of this?

Janel

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2017, 10:55:50 am »
I recently had a hysterectomy & my mother did not visit or acknowledge my surgery, she said it was not "that important"
I am devastated, she has time for my brother, but not me & does not even hide her preference.

clare low

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2017, 12:11:45 pm »
I am so very sorry to hear this - what a dreadful story. When you have to endure surgery like that you feel that you want to be supported and loved. So it is awful if your mother lets you down at such an important time. It is not surprising that you feel so devastated after all you will have been through. Please give yourself time to recover both physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself and maybe find comfort with good friends? Have a look at our coping page for ideas about looking after yourself. You are important and having surgery is never easy, so you deserve to be loved and cared for.

Very best wishes,

Alyson

Janel

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2017, 09:02:05 am »
Thank you Alyson, yes i need to find a way to process this. I do have lots of friends & beautiful family members that are supportive, I need to have no expectations of my mother & therefore not be disappointed. Do not know how to do that yet.
Thanks for your understanding & thoughtful words.

Janel

steved

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2017, 10:03:25 pm »
I joined the army at 15 to get away from home, I think she hoped she had seen the back of me, never wrote to me like the other boy soldiers, no pressies or parcels from home. Anyhoo after 8 months things turned very unpleasant for me and I managed to get her permission t leave the boys army. BIG MISTAKE  I would have been better staying in the army and just taking the abuse and unwanted attention.   I came home bruised, drained, afraid, confused and in need of some support.   As I walked through the door She turned around looked over her shoulder at me and just gave me the most filthy contemptious of glares then turned away ignoring me.  I could only cope with the tension for a few months before I just started sleeping rough.

Jennifer

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2017, 09:47:58 am »
Steve how awful for you, when you think how could any loving mother do such a thing, you would have thought she would have welcomed you back with open arms, obviously something traumatic must have happened , it’s never happened to me but I am guessing I would have been treated the same I didn’t like the chosen career I had but was too scared to tell her. I always told my children if they aren’t happy in a job do something else don’t be miserable like me , luckily I had children in y mid twenties and when I went back to work was able to pursue what I wanted ,  I had a miserable life due to not following something else.
Have you had a good Christmas I thought about you and how you were, my Christmas was filled  with no guilt and  I don’t think I will ever have that again , I’ve talked to to my family about it still need to talk a bit more get it it out my system Happy new   year to you and all those suffering from this subject
« Last Edit: December 28, 2017, 02:31:47 pm by Jennifer »

steved

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2017, 08:16:02 pm »
Steve how awful for you, when you think how could any loving mother do such a thing, you would have thought she would have welcomed you back with open arms, obviously something traumatic must have happened , itís never happened to me but I am guessing I would have been treated the same I didnít like the chosen career I had but was too scared to tell her. I always told my children if they arenít happy in a job do something else donít be miserable like me , luckily I had children in y mid twenties and when I went back to work was able to pursue what I wanted ,  I had a miserable life due to not following something else.
Have you had a good Christmas I thought about you and how you were, my Christmas was filled  with no guilt and  I donít think I will ever have that again , Iíve talked to to my family about it still need to talk a bit more get it it out my system Happy new   year to you and all those suffering from this subject
Amen to that Jenny, I cannot emphisise enough to my son that life should be HAPPY and though MONEY matters its not the be all and end all of things, Its vital he enjoys his chosen career and I'm always telling him if you dont like it and its stressing you and getting him down he would be better off leaving.  Better to have a good job and modest salary than  have a bad job and lots of money, Lives to damn short to be miserable for 8 hours a day.


One point about my teen years makes me wonder if anyone else experienced anything similar to me, insomuch as my mother got rid of every document / certificate/ award/ qualification I ever earned.   From school Swimming certs to my City & Guilds certificates to my regimental photos, service records, and 99% of the photos from my teenage years EXCEPT the few she like to bring out to embaress me in front of friends.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2017, 08:22:33 pm by steved »

steved

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2017, 08:17:52 pm »
Thank you Alyson, yes i need to find a way to process this. I do have lots of friends & beautiful family members that are supportive, I need to have no expectations of my mother & therefore not be disappointed. Do not know how to do that yet.
Thanks for your understanding & thoughtful words.

Janel
Janel   what can anyone say but bloody hell!!!!  what a way to treat one child.

Janel

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2018, 08:34:31 am »
Ok it is now April & nothing has changed, in fact, it has become progressively worse, My son being ill & needing surgery, and while I accept them ignoring me, what of their grandchild, how can they be so callous??? Clearly their marriage is more important than their children

steved

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2018, 10:25:47 pm »
You are going to have to cut the apron string girl, you are just prolonging your misery

Janel

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2018, 04:41:04 am »
YES, Steve, you are right, there is no other option........it is their loss now

steved

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2018, 09:21:53 pm »
Remember that Janel, THEIR LOSS not yours, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Get on with life and make the most of it whilst you can.

Jennifer

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Re: Being ignored
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2018, 08:10:02 pm »
Hi Steved Iím still around lol, I havnt visited my parents grave since last August feel better for it and bought the book Mean Mothers if you lived nearer you could borrow it, feel like I wrote it myself. Hope this finds you ok and happy  been a long time  since I have been on here xx